I will never say it enough and I will keep on bashing people’s ears with it until things change and until schools stop bailing kids out to avoid the wrath of parents who have no clue!
Yes I am sorry if you are reading this and feel that you may be one of those parents, but you know what? It will be much better for your kids in the long run if you snap out of it and hold them accountable for their actions.
Here I want to quote Mark Goulston, M.D. in recent article he wrote:
In today’s world of blame and finger-pointing, we’re teaching our kids that accountability and responsibility are slippery slopes that don’t mean what they used to. For example, have you witnessed a parent-teen conversation that went anything like this:
Teenager: “Please, Mom and Dad, just let me do this, and I promise that I will take full responsibility for it.”
Parent: “Do you realize that taking full responsibility means that if it backfires and goes wrong, you will own up to it, pay back whatever it takes to make up for it going wrong and learn from it so that it doesn’t happen again?”
Teenager: “I didn’t agree to that.”
Parent: “Well, then what do you think taking full responsibility means?”
Teenager: “That if it goes wrong, I will say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
If you have witnessed such a conversation, do you agree with the following?
Among our main roles and responsibility as parents is to teach, coach, guide and pass on to our children the character (and I do mean character) traits of self-reliance, resourcefulness, initiative, taking responsibility for one’s actions and learning from one’s mistakes (see “How to Raise a Self-Confident Child”).
If at age 18 they are lacking these, they are going to find success, happiness and life in general a challenge and even overwhelming.
This is it in a nutshell! What a perfect description of what is going on with kids today… Oh and yes, with many adults too and that is the problem!
Each new president and administration rack their brains to find out what to do in schools to make education better. Well my friends, you are barking up the wrong tree! The problem is NOT at school, the problem is at HOME!
Where do you think kids get the idea that they can just do whatever they feel like and never have to face the consequences? Just turn around, say oops, sorry, and move on as if nothing happened? Most adults go around blaming their parents, their past, the bad deal they were dealt as kids, their boss, the government… And they look for something or someone to come along to help them out.
Teachers are asked time and time again: “What can we do to improve Little Johnny’s grades?”. What can WE do? WHAT CAN WE DO? How about: “WHAT CAN LITTLE JOHNNY DO ABOUT HIS GRADES?”. How about: Little Johnny was partying all weekend (just check his Facebook page if you don’t believe it) and now he is tired and he didn’t do very well on his test. Well, he’s going to have to do better on the next one and maybe look at a better use of his time at the weekend. It’s that simple. Live and learn. Every now and then you fall and get up again. Or you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results… Good luck with that!
“Oh but you don’t understand”, mom says, “it’s all so hard for him. He works so hard during the week, he needs to blow off some steam at the week-end.” Ok, perfect, but then don’t go and cry and kick and scream at the school because he isn’t getting the grades you think he deserves. If he wants to play hard, fine! But then he also needs to work hard! If he can do both, good for him! For as long as he is not where he should be, priorities and choices have to be changed!
What about 7th grader who’s known as the school bully? But here’s mom: ” No she really isn’t as bad as people portray her and I am proud that she can stand up for herself.” Oh really? I wonder how many people thought that of the 22-year-old who went and killed 6 people yesterday, including a 9-year-old little girl!!!!!!
It is all very good when they are kids to give them a break every now an then, there will always be someone there to feel sorry for them. Okay. But then one day they will need to get a job, they will have kids, or they will want to have their own business. The consequences are real in real life, they mean divorce, kids on drugs, debt, unemployment but also bankruptcy, foreclosure, homelessness, jail… In any case, it means a miserable life where you are always feeling like a victim.
Does this make you feel angry? Do YOU think that you are a victim of anything? Well, you will not get my sympathy, sorry. You put yourself there and if you want your kids to be everything you never were, you better show them that it is never too late and that you can make it where you want to be. Stop blaming everybody and everything, and get on with your life and face the challenges. Your kids will thank you for it and learn way more than when you bail them out of every situation.
(to read Mark Goulston full article, go here.)
