As always, people get very defensive when they get compared to another person or group, even on something that they wouldn’t normally even worry about.
This is true of the latest parenting buzz triggered by the publication of “Bringing Up Bébé” by Pamela Druckerman. I haven’t yet read it, by the way, but I intend to! Give me a chance to log on to my audible account.
What I have done though, is read a very good article on the Wall Street Journal site and watched the author’s interview on it. And then I just randomly came across another article, which is also well worth reading, defending American parenting against “Tiger Moms” and “Frenchie Moms”.
Both articles can be found on the Better At School Facebook page if you are interested.
Now, what I find interesting is that both writers are suggesting that French parenting is superior or better and of course, they are getting reactions…In both cases, the common denominator is that American parents are not as good.
And what I find funny is that, as Druckerman points it out, the crisis in parenting in the US is not exactly a new topic of conversation, and there is a bit of a consensus that there are some issues there… But God forbid that it may be compared to other nations…
Anyway, as I was raised in France, I have to agree with a lot of what I heard Druckerman say so far. It is definitely something that I noticed, but I don’t particularly stop on the fact that these characteristics are typically French.
Do I see a difference in the way kids are raised in this country? Definitely. Does it mean that the kids are not as well raised? Not necessarily. But did Druckerman mean to start this debate? I am not sure.
From what I gathered in her interview, in the extracts I read from the book and from what I understand her rationale behind writing the book is, I think she is just trying to share good tips that may help a lot of parents raise happy kids and be happier themselves.
However, from my personal experience living in several different countries and working as a teacher, I do see cultural differences in the way parents raise their kids. And of course each set of parents is different, but you can’t deny that the cultural background plays a part and you can, therefore, draw some general conclusions.
From a teacher’s point of view, my main observation about the US, is that many parents leave the whole of education to schools. They seem to think that schools will replace the role that a parent can play in teaching life skills and values that are essential to becoming a successful adult. What those parents forget is that the primary role of education is instructing children on topics that all parents are not expected to know. They also forget that there are 24 hours in a day and most kids will spend an average of 8 at school. This leaves 16 when kids are with their parents… learning from them.
I have to say that I see this way more here in the US than I have seen it anywhere else. My explanation for it is not so much that parents don’t care, but more that parents are very busy and don’t always have the time to “educate” their children. Or, in some case, they really don’t make the time. Parents have kids and expect their lives to be the same as it always was… It isn’t.
This brings me back to Druckerman and her observations of French parenting. I do believe that there is a very clear cultural understanding in France that “educating” kids is the parents’ job. By educating, I am talking about exactly the stuff that Druckerman mentions: not interrupting, learning to live in public in a way that is not going to put others out, consideration, respect, understanding boundaries and being able to live an independent life.
You see, when kids come to school, it is expected that their parents have already taught them these things, even at a very young age. And parents take this responsibility very seriously and are very proud to hear that their kids are well behaved.
Have I ever met French kids with no manners? Oh yes! Have I seen French parents repeat “non” to their kids 10 times and give up? Oh yes! Do I know American parents whose kids are little angels, whom you want to take everywhere with you because you would be so proud? That too! Of course.
But really, I think that this is not what the debate is about. It is very true that there are way less issues with French teenagers than American ones. And we can’t discount the possibility that this might be linked, at least partly, to their upbringing. So if a few American parents find this advice useful, I say everybody wins!
